


Weather For the Brave

by pinkistheflavor



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-05
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-03-21 08:14:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 16,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3684849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkistheflavor/pseuds/pinkistheflavor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Victoria is Dauntless' first transfer from Amity in several years. Eventual Eric x OFC, year before Tris Prior. Slightly AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> As posted on Fanfiction.net and Wattpad. I am still trying to figure out the spacing so please bear with me. All kudos/reviews/general comments and questions are appreciated. Happy reading!

Fear. It was what kept me up at night. Fear that my brother, who was born just an hour after me and the night said goodbye and the sun was rising, would be consumed by the sickness that had left him bedridden sometimes for days at a time. Fear about what would happen to our city, the inevitable civil war that was waiting to break out. Fear that my actions wouldn't be enough. But for what it was worth, I was willing to try.

********

The original plan was for my brother Benjamin to transfer to Dauntless, and I would transfer to Erudite. He had studied the factionless fighting, learning their methods. I had listened to the Erudites in school having discussions, taking notes inconspicuously when I could, and reading them at night. However, when Jack became sick, our plans were switched. He showed me how to fight, I taught him about different subjects. We taught each other how to pretend and blend in.

********

We accompanied each other to the Choosing ceremony in early May, arms linked and smiles on our faces. Choosing was easy. I gave Jack a hug before he went up, smiling reassuringly at him.

"Don't study too hard," I quipped quietly, then let go of him as he made his way up on the stage.

Joining our adopted factions was going to be harder, we knew. Most Amity went to Abnegation, Candor even. Erudite and Dauntless were more exclusive, they were harder to survive in. But I was prepared. I knew the sort of looks that I would get, and I internalized my feelings of anxiety and inadequacy and smiled instead, taking the band-aid from the young Dauntless boy who offered it to me, taking a seat in the front row and holding my head high.

********

Running was easy. Jumping into moving train cars was not, however.

"Whoa, that was quite an entrance, sunshine!" A female voice said from under me.

"Oh, sorry! So sorry!" I got up, looking down to see a Dauntless-born girl with fiery red hair cut down to her temple.

"It's fine, Amity, really," she got up and stuck out her hand, smiling. "My name is Kiernan." I flicked her hand away and instead went in for a hug. "So nice to meet you," I said, rubbing her back. "I'm Victoria."  
"Well, that... That was a hug!" Kiernan says, flattening her hair, which stuck out cutely in different directions. "Yeah, sorry. It's kind of a habit," I sighed. Before I could continue, Kiernan looked out of the car.

"It's almost time to jump." I looked out as well, seeing nothing but open space. "Jump?" I asked. "Yeah, theres gonna be a building coming up. Watch me, run from back here-" she stepped back in the car, "-and run out. Lock your knees and try to make yourself roll when you land so that you don't get hurt too bad. The first jump is always the hardest!"

  
I watch as Kiernan stepped back, and got ready to run. "See you on the roof, sunshine!" Kiernan disappeared into the sun, and before I could give myself a chance to hesitate, I repeated her actions, her words swirling in my mind. Gathering my skirt, I ran out of the train car and into the open air.

********

We all start somewhere.

I was the second person to jump, right after a Candor transfer. I felt Kiernan pat my back as I walked forward, making me smile a little. I had decided, once I laid eyes on him, that I would not make eye contact with Eric. I didn't want to ever get on his bad side. I kept my eyes straight ahead, and gathered up my long skirt as I stepped up on the ledge. Looking down, I saw a dark hole. I closed my eyes briefly, not wanting to take a long time, and looked up at the clear blue sky. Still looking up, I took a step forward, and fell into nothing.

********

"I don't know how I'm going to put up with wearing so much black," I mumbled to Kiernan as we made our way into the lunchroom. Sure, I was comfortable, wearing black jeans and a dark grey sweater, but all the dark colors just bummed me out a little.

"Well, I sure don't know what you mean," Kiernan said, smiling.

Once we reached the entrance, I saw Four, who would be training us. "Uh, give me one second," I said, turning to Kiernan. She nodded nonchalantly. "Sure, I'll be right over there," she pointed to a table.

"Okay, see you in a bit." I walked over to Four, who himself was making his way over to a table. "Four, hey," I walked beside him. He grunted. "I have some questions about the, uh, rules around here," I spoke, trying to keep up with him. "Rules, initiate?" Four sat down at an empty table. I sat down in front of him, hands on the table.

"Uh, yeah. For example, what are our boundaries in this building? Where can we and can't we go?"

"You," Four gets a plate from the middle of the table and begins to fill it with food, "go where ever you're supposed to go. Listen to those above you." He doesn't look at me once, making me stare at him more. I tilt my head to the side. "Okay, cool, what about-"

"You're still talking to me?" Four looks up, a clearly annoyed look on his face. I can feel something pass my body. Annoyance. I bite my tongue and raise an eyebrow. "Enjoy your lunch, sir," I smile sweetly at him and get up, walking towards Kiernan's table.

If there was something I was good at, it was being nice to people.

********

I was restless that night, sleeping for three hours then waking up for two, then sleeping until Four woke us up two hours after that. I have been here for less than a day, and I already missed the open air, the moonlight, the sound of crickets. I missed my home.

My group of transfer initiates was built of ten, four Candor, one Abnegation, four Erudite, and myself. Most of them seemed alright, except for two Candor boys and an Erudite girl who seemed to be teaming up. It didn't look good at all. As I was getting dressed, I caught the boy from Abnegation staring at me. I smiled at him and he quickly looked away.

"What's your name?" I asked, zipping up my jeans. "Matthew," he mumbled, looking down at his feet. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, which was right next to mine, already dressed.

"I'm Victoria. I'd hug you, but I don't think that's allowed here," I smiled at him. I threw on a black crew neck shirt and leaned down to get my boots from underneath the mattress.

"Really? I didn't think they had rules here," Matthew's mouth turned upward in a small smile.

"Wanna walk together to breakfast?" I asked him when I got my boots on.

"Yeah, I like being early to things," Matthew got up slowly and gave me an open smile. We were about the same height, his hair short and dark. His eyes were also dark, black almost, but on closer inspection I could see that they were just a deep rich dark brown. He had a couple of beauty marks on his face, some trailing down his neck and down to the rest of his body, I assume. He was pretty good looking.

"Hey, you wanna know what else? We should be friends," I told him, with a smile that must have made me look crazy. "You Amity sure do take friendliness to the extreme, don't you?" Matthew smiled again. I shrugged. "Its nice to be nice. Its even nicer to have friends."

********

"You will begin training today. You will fight each other two days from now. Rankings will be put up each week, final rankings for this stage will be up in a month. After stage one, the bottom two initiates will be cut. You will be trained separate from the Dauntless-born but ranked together. Any questions?" Eric's voice boomed around the huge training room.

Dark and brooding seemed to be the preferred aesthetic around here, and our trainers were no exception.

"Good. Partner up, start warming up!" No one moved, and as soon as I saw Eric was going to open his mouth again, I grabbed Matthew's hand and we walked away from the group. I heard the other initiates follow suit, and soon enough every pair had their own space and light chatter began to fill the room.

"What do you think of him?" Matthew said, his eyes flicking to Eric. We sat down on the floor. I spread my legs and began to stretch; Matthew began to follow me.

"He seems alright. I mean, I don't really think I was expecting anything different." I crossed my legs butterfly style, and was pleased when Matthew did the same.

"I like his whole look. He's actually handsome, I think. I wonder if he was a transfer?"

Matthew snorted. "I doubt it. Guy looks like he's been born and bred here. And isn't this sort of a shock to your system? I mean, at Abnegation we'd see Dauntless guards every few weeks. They'd barely go to Amity, right?"

"I have some friends who work at the fields beyond the fence and they have described them to be. Also the factionless... It just looks like what I had in mind," I got up, raising my arms up and stretching. "It feels so good to move. I barely slept last night, I thought I was going crazy," I said with a laugh.

"I want everyone running, now!" Eric's voice snapped me out of my relaxed mood. I felt tension seep into my shoulder blades. "Okay, Amity, let's run," Matthew sighed, getting up. I tied my hair up, "Let's go."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spacing is better I hope! Happy reading

The next day was more of the same. Matthew and I woke up around the same time, showered, got dressed, and walked to the dining hall together. We did the same stretches as the day before, and during afternoon training, Four taught us some techniques to use tomorrow.

"Although you will each have five fights, no one fight is more important than the other. You won't be fighting everyday, but you should always be prepared to fight," Four looked at each of us, making sure his words sunk in. Though he seemed like a reserved guy, he seemed cool underneath. Maybe he's a transfer?

"Okay, you guys have the rest of the evening off. I wouldn't do anything too adventurous; save your energy for your fight tomorrow," again, he looked at all of us, probably expecting questions. When no one said anything, he walked off to the exit, probably to stare at a wall and be angry.

"Everyone around here sure is mad all the time," Matthew said with a sigh. We started to make our way out of the training room.

"Anger is just a state of mind, young Matthew," I said in a loud and girlish voice, trying to keep from laughing at my own words.

"Yeah, but so is happiness...?" Matt turned to me, one of his eyebrows raised.

"Sure, yeah, but it's a healthier state of mind, you see," I continued.

"Hmm, okay, crazy," Matthew mumbled. "I heard that!" I laughed and playfully punched him on his arm.

"Where are we going anyways?" I looked around to find that we were now in a dimly lit hallway. "Uh, I am not too sure," I looked behind us. Surely we had only been walking for a few minutes?

"Are you initiates lost?" Matthew and I both jumped and turned to see Eric. He had both his arms behind his back, wearing a tight black shirt with a vest over it, his muscles big and defined.

"Yes, we are," I said when Matt just stood there. "We didn't really have a place in mind we just sorta... Walked," I explained.

"Well, this is the way to the apartments that belong to the Dauntless members, no place for any of you," his mouth quirked up in what I could only assume was a smile. "I'll walk you to the pit," he turned and began walking without warning.

Matt and I looked at each other and he shrugged at me. I watched Eric walk, his legs marching forward, back straight, head held high. Everything about him just screamed POWER. And those arms... "Hey, Eric?" I called, trying to catch up.

"Hmm?" He didn't turn around, and I didn't try to walk beside him. "I'm not sure if anyone's ever asked you this before but... I think your biceps are bigger than my head? I'm a little concerned," I tried my hardest not to picture him choking someone, crushing their neck. It was making me nervous but at the same time I wanted to laugh because I knew I sounded ridiculous, but I just couldn't stop talking. "Please respond to me or I think I'm gonna cry-" He stopped abruptly; he looked... Confused. But amused.

"Are you afraid, initiate?" Eric raised an eyebrow. Oh, he was definitely amused. I felt my eyes widen, but I didn't answer.

"It may be bigger than your head. We can check sometime," his eyes lost a bit of their edge; they seemed lighter. Matthew coughed behind me. "This is a dream," he whispered, looking at everything except Eric and I. I turned back to Eric.

"I'm good, really. Just wanted to ask. I just wanted to put it out there," I steadied my breath, not wanting to look scared and keeping eye contact with him. "Let me get you where you need to be," he lowered his eyes at me, but the lightness was still there.

ooooooooooooooo

"What the hell was that!" Matthew whispered harshly once Eric had disappeared. "Wasn't that hilarious!" I said with an unconvincing tone. Matt shot me a look. "Matthew, relax! You look like you're about to have a stroke, dude," I patted his back. 

"Vee, you are crazy. I didn't know whether to laugh or runaway!" Matthew finally broke into a wide grin. "Are you sure you're human?"

"Stop making fun of me! Sometimes I can't stop talking and I just say... whatever comes into my head. I was very entertaining on the playground," I gave him a small smile, trying not to think about my old home. 

Matthew nodded, then looked ahead. "I think this is where we get clothes from," he motioned to a place in front of us. "Let's check it out."

Walking up to the shop, we ran into Nathan and Tristan, two Erudite boys that Matt and I were convinced were related somehow. Their physical appearances and visible familiarity with each other was hard to miss. They seemed nice, and like Matt and I, mostly kept to themselves.

"Are you guys looking for new clothes as well?" Nathan smiled, walking with his hands in his front pockets. "Yeah, I decided I needed more black, you know," Matthew smiled back, and thanked him when he held the door open for us to enter. 

"It's kind of depressing, but we all look so much cooler now!" Tristan said in a cheery voice. He wore black framed glasses, and his light brown eyes complimented his tanned skin.

Tristan and Matthew began weaving between the racks, talking animatedly.

"What do you think about the upcoming fights?" Nathan asked me as we were looking at the accessories.

"Kind of nervous. I just wanna get them over with, you know?"

"Hmm. Being Amity and all, violence isn't your first instinct. I'm sure this is a learning curve for you," Nathan says, looking down at me. Boy, if you only knew.

"Well if I want to make it here, then the only thing that I better be learning is that violence is the answer. I'm not nervous of fighting people, I just don't want to hurt anyone. But I'll defend myself if I have to," I say in what I hope is a definitive tone. Truth is that while I knew I had to survive here, I didn't want to loose my old self. Is there a way to mix the soft and the hard?

ooooooooooooo

Later that night during dinner, Nathan, Tristan, Matthew and I sat together, occupying the other half of the table that belonged to Kiernan and her friends. 

"How are you guys holding up? Training with Four and Eric must be a real bitch," Kiernan says with a mouthful of food. Matthew scowled at her and wiped her dirty chin with a napkin.

"It's actually not that bad," he says, studying his napkin closely. "Yeah we're doing a lot of cardio, lots of upper body work," I chime in, looking at the food options and deciding to stick with mashed potatoes and veggies.

"Ha, they should make sure you guys can square up with us!" One of Kiernan's friends at the other end of the table says. Kiernan gave him a look but doesn't respond. Instead she turns to me. "Don't listen to him," she says softly. "It would suck if you- any of you don't make it, you know."

oooooooooooooo

"Vee?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you up?"

It was later after dinner, and after walking around for a bit, Matthew and I had decided to take Four's advice and rest before our fights tomorrow.

"Yeah. I can't really sleep," I whisper, and turn on my side to face his bed. I hear him turn as well.

"I'm really nervous about tomorrow. I hope I do well."

"I hope you do as well, Matty," I sigh. "We have to do what's necessary." We are quiet after that, and I roll over and lay on my back. I close my eyes. I can hear the other initiates tossing, snoring lightly.

"Can I ask you something?" Matt says a little while later.

"Yes, anything."  
"If I promise to have your back, will you have mine?"  
I can feel myself smiling, and I open my eyes into the darkness.

"Yes Matthew, that sounds good."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sat on this one for a while, read and re-read countless number of times. I hope it was worth it!

My first fight was against Sam, one of the two Candor guys who hung out with the Erudite girl, Gwen. Sam, Gwen, and their third trooper Mark, took turns sneering at the rest of us initiates, with Gwen making a point to laugh loudly every few minutes.  
"Imagine being as cool as them," Matthew rolled his eyes beside me. We stood just outside of the circular mound we would be fighting on in just a few minutes, doing our stretches.  
Next to us, Nathan and Tristan were having a discussion on the probability of each of us getting knocked out cold. "Get your facts straight, dude!" Tristan laughed at Nathan, reaching down and touching his toes in a stretch. "That could never happen," he finishes as he came back up.  
Four and Eric stood away from all of us, watching and speaking in each other's ears. Four spoke with his arms across his chest, one hand brought up to his mouth as if he didn't want any of us to figure out what he was saying. I saw Eric shake his head, and Four rolled his eyes and started walking towards us, with Eric following just a few steps behind him.  
"Okay initiates," Four's voice boomed above the chatter. We all stopped what we were doing, paying attention to the instructor. "Remember, treat this fight as you would any other. You'll fight until the other can't continue. First fight, Nathan and Alberto."  
I turned to see Nathan raise an eyebrow at Tristan; we all kind of just knew that Alberto wouldn't put up a fight. Though he was also an Erudite transfer, none of us ever talked to him, so I'm pretty sure that Nathan wouldn't bat an eye taking him down.  
"Don't hold back, gentlemen," Eric almost sneers. Of course he would say that.  
Nathan took less than 7 minutes to knock out Alberto, and by the time Gwen and Hafsha, a Candor transfer were a few minutes into their fight, I realized that I didn't like the sound of fists punching faces or hands slapping skin. It made me really uncomfortable.  
Matthew shifted next to me and I could feel the tension rolling off of him. Hafsha was helping Four carry Gwen to the nurse, and as I stepped up on the mound I could see drops of blood. Whose, I had no idea.  
"Vick," Matthew grabbed my arm and turned me around to face him. "He's pretty big, but most of that is just... Fat. He's slow. Tire him out and it should be easy," he spoke lowly. I nodded, but I already knew that. My brother had prepared me for this. I felt my own tension and nervousness and anger rise to the surface, and my breathing began to quicken. I was taught how to conceal all negative feelings, but now I had no reason to.  
I turned to see Sam already facing me, smiling widely, as if he was going to enjoy this. As if.  
"You two may begin," Eric announced, no doubt bored. How many initiates had he seen fight?  
Everyone's eyes were on us, the gigantic room quiet. I stepped forward cautiously, my bare feet landing on blood. I tried to not squirm, and kept walking forward instead.  
Sam, following my every move, launched himself at me when I came too close, and I quickly stepped to the right, avoiding the collision.  
He smirks at me. "Come on baby," and stalks towards me again. My hands shake beside me and I take a small step forward. As he raises his arm, I quickly jab him in the throat, catching him off guard. He sputters out a cough, holding one hand to his throat. Without missing a beat, I punch him in the nose, then turn and elbow him on the cheek. Hurt. Him.  
Sam stumbles backwards, trying to take it all in, both his hands now on his nose which has blood coming out of it. He trips over his own feet, and now it is I who is stalking towards him as he is on the ground.  
He looks up at me, trying to get up, but something comes over me and I jump on top of him, almost straddling him, and take his face in my hands. I imagine digging my fingers into his eye sockets. I imagine lots of things.  
"I am not your fucking baby," I whisper, before slamming his head on the ground.  
oooooooooooooooo  
I sat on the edge of my bed, hands shaking and hair still wet from my shower. What the fuck. What the fuck whatthefuck.  
I couldn't gather my thoughts. Was I even thinking coherently anymore? What the fuck was that? Why was I so angry?  
The sound of shuffling feet took me out of my daze, and I look up to see Matt walking towards me, a cut on his bottom lip. I offered him a weak smile.  
"What did I miss?"  
"That asshole Mark beating Tristan," Matt pursed his lips, obviously upset. "I got that girl Megan though. Took me... around five minutes. I'm not about beating women but you should've seen the look Eric was giving us, daring any of us to back down." He shuddered, and took a seat next to me. "You okay, baby girl?"  
I look down at my hands and sigh. "Yeah, I guess."  
We just sat like that in silence, and Matt began to rub my back. I leaned my head on his shoulder, feeling absolutely nothing.  
"I don't know what happened to me," I whisper a while later. Matthew is still beside me, taking in my words. "I really wanted to hurt him, I really, really did."  
"You did," Matt lets out a small laugh, and I sit up, looking at him. "Am I-"  
"You're gonna be okay. You really are. Remember, you did what you had to do. We all did. Some of us were less fortunate than others, but you still have to protect yourself," he cupped my face with one hand and I leaned into it. His hand was soft and warm, and his touch had a calming effect on me. I nodded and smiled at him, this time with a little more conviction.  
"Wanna go do something fun?" I stand, wanting to take my mind off things.  
"Sure, just let me clean up."

With Matthew showered and dressed; we decided to go to the pit.  
"Nathan took Tristan to the nurse. He took a lot of hits to the head, so they're just checking for concussions," Matt informed me as we walked.  
I winced, and decided that it was a good thing I didn't see the rest of the fights.  
"There's, uh, a tattoo and piercings place down here, or if you just want to get clothes that's fine," Matt continued.  
"Let's check out the tattoos," I said.

The place was meant to look kind of like a bar; the neon lights strung up high on the ceilings were the only things helping us see, and after a while of walking around, our eyes became used to it.  
"See anything you like?" I asked Matt after a few minutes.  
"This looks cool," he shows me a drawing of a snarling wolf. "Strong, fast," he stares at it intensely for a moment. "Selfless," he murmurs.  
I look over at his face as his words sink in, his already dark eyes seeming darker in the soft light. My poor boy thinks he can't be- or he isn't- selfless.  
"Loyal," I say to him, keeping my eyes on his face. He swallows, and pulls his eyes away from the drawing. "Where would you get it?"  
"I don't know," he looks back down at the wolf. "My back maybe? I want it to be big."  
I nod and put one arm around his shoulder. We may only have been here for a couple of days, but all the training was starting to pay off; Matt's build felt stronger, his muscles emerging.  
"It's going to look great, Matthew," I smile at him, and am pleased when I get a smile in return.  
"What about you?" We continue to walk around.  
"I don't know, oh wait, let me show you this," I grabbed a pen from the counter in front of us. "My mother told me that my brother and I were born two hours apart, first me and then him. He was born just as the night was turning to day..."  
I began scribbling an image that would forever be ingrained in my brain; the crescent moon kissing the sun, the sun's rays flowing wildly around it.  
"The light to my dark, the ying to my yang and all that crap," I show Matt my hand. He takes it and looks it over, then smiles.  
"Vic... That’s awesome. And kind of beautiful. Where would you get it?"  
"I was thinking a few places. Maybe here," I point to the side of my right wrist. "Or inside my wrist. Or on the back of my neck, where my hair can cover it. I don't really want anyone asking questions about it since it's not a typical Dauntless tattoo..."  
"You must miss him. It had to be hard, separating," Matt says, looking at me with concern now. Oh Matt. I do, I miss him everyday. I wish I could tell you everything.  
I shrug. "Yes, it was. But this is...what's best for both of us. It's what we want."

Three hours and two tattoos later, Matthew and I decided to head to the dining hall to eat. I touched the spot on my neck where the bandage was covering my tattoo.  
Chatting casually, I began to search the room, feeling eyes on me. My thoughts were confirmed when my eyes landed on Four’s, his face calm but his eyes curious.  
“Hmm, see that?” I asked Matt, dragging my eyes away from Four.  
“He’s probably wondering what happened to you earlier. I mean, you beat up Sam and then just leave. They’re probably used to something different,” he shrugs as we walk to an empty table.  
I am about to answer when the volume in the large dining hall suddenly drops, and almost everyone shifts so that they are acknowledging the entering leaders in some way. Eric is the last to enter, his grey eyes looking straight ahead, his usual bored expression on full display. No more than 30 seconds later, everyone is back to talking and joking around. “Jeez,” Matthew says, serving himself. “Everyone here sure does go from zero to 100.”  
I smirk, but again can feel someone’s eyes no me.  
I look to Four again, expecting it to be him, but find that he is gone. My brows furrow, and I begin to scan the room once more. What I see makes my appetite disappear.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More Eric to come once I figure out how I was their relationship to start and how to move them forward (because they have to!) Thanks for all of you for waiting patiently, leaving kudos, bookmarking, and to @/harper for your lovely comment, I have looked at it nearly every week since you posted it! <3 I hope to have Part 5 ready soon!

I woke up suddenly. I could hear Matthew breathing heavily beside me.

"Are you okay?" I ask after a few beats. Matthew's breathing begins to calm, and after a few more seconds, he says, "I was, uh, having a nightmare. I think. I think that's what it was." There's a bit of hesitation in his voice.

Since I can't quite make out his face in the dark, I decide to take him up on his word.

"Do you want me to get in with you? Would it make you feel better?"

"I, uh, honestly, that's the last thing I want. I mean I want you to comfort me- from the nightmare yes- but now I... I'm fine, don't worry about it, Vee," Matthew stutters out, his voice a bit above a whisper.

I can feel the confusion rising on my face. I knit my eyebrows together. "Sure, whatever you want."

I allow myself to relax again. If he needs to talk to me, he will when the time is right.

Instead, I my mind begins to drift to the events earlier in the day, especially during dinner. It was unsettling enough to find Eric's piercing grey eyes on me, his stare never wavering from mine, but that I also ran into him after dinner.

  
"You can go, boy," Eric had told Matt when he stopped alongside me. "I just want to have a few words with your friend here."

  
From the corner of my eye, I could see Matthew hesitate, but he listened, and walked away. I focused on Eric, his hair perfectly styled, a smile on his face, but even I could see it was far from friendly.

  
I swallowed and could feel my hands start to get warmer. _Don't fiddle._

  
"That was... quite a fight you had today," he starts, his eyes searching my face for any sort of reaction.

  
I decide to feign innocence. Despite my mouth just gone dry, I smile. "I hope that's a compliment, sir. I have learn a lot from you and Four."

  
It's obvious that's not the answer he wanted to hear, and I can tell because I see his eyes harden.

  
"I'm glad to hear. But if you are hiding something, I will find out. Remember, you are just a girl, a child," he scoffs, his face souring as if he's tasted something terrible. "You can't hide from us."

  
I shook my head, trying to make the memory go away. For that one split moment, as he spoke to me, I was truly scared. Scared that they would find everything out and get my brother and-

  
But I didn't have the luxury of second-guessing and being scared.

  
"You don't have to worry about me," I had told him, making sure my voice didn't give away my emotions. "I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl."

**  
With the new day came promise of more training, but hopefully less interaction with Eric, if I could help it.

  
"Did you rest well?" I ask Matthew as we walked to breakfast. We went through our morning routine in silence, and I was pleased to feel that it wasn't awkward at all. Both of us just had a lot of things to think about.

  
He gave a slight nod. "As best as I could after my...nightmare. Wasn't actually a nightmare, just a strange dream is all."

  
I looked around the dining area and was surprised to see that we were among the first people there. Matt and I again settled on a comfortable silence and picked a table by a wall, away from the people who were already there.

  
"You never told me... What Eric said to you," Matt starts, taking a piece of bread from the center.

  
"Wasn't really important," I reply, thinking about my answer. I didn't want to lie to Matt, but I couldn't quite as well let him know everything that was going on. At least not yet. "He was just curious as to how I fought so well is all."

  
"Yeah? And how do you? Honestly, you surprised the shit out of me, Vee. You're so kind and warm and then... That happens..." He looks at me, curiosity but also a light playfulness in his eyes.

  
I bite my lip and raise an eyebrow. "We can't all be happy all the time, young Matthew. I just, really thought about how to take him down. I don't want to loose even one fight. I want to win, every single time, and if that means unleashing the inner... Sadistic asshole in me, so be it," I say with a smirk. "Plus, he was such a dick."

  
Matthew lets out a small laugh and raises his cup of orange juice. "To sadistic assholes when it's convenient and dicks who are dicks all the time!"  
I raise my cup to meet his, but I can already feel my energy coming back to me. "Matt, I don't think you should yell things like that so early in the morning!" I choke out between laughs.

  
_All my friends are fighters._

  
"Today we are going to be doing a different exercise," Four's voice boomed over all of us, surrounding all the space between us, fitting into even the smallest of spaces. We had all grown accustomed to cutting our conversations short every time him and Eric entered the room; there was always the unspoken "whatever we are going to say is more important than what you're already saying, so shut up." So we did.

"We will be dealing with sharp objects today. Knives, for those of you who are familiar. For those not, better get acquainted real soon."

  
And so it went. Throwing knives at targets, to running and throwing knives at targets, more fighting, guns, and all the while I tried not to loose my mind. Tried not to feel the stares in my back once I finished each fight and my opponent was bloodied, being carried away, and I was still on my feet.

  
"You're just really, very good," Nathan assured me one day. "We always hear of these one in a million scenarios, and you just happen to be it. Maybe there's some Dauntless in your gene pool," he smiled warmly. Nathan and Tristan, along with Matt and Hafsha had become a constant in my day to day. And I was so very grateful for them.  
****  
"What are you thinking about?" Matt asked me one night.

  
"Nothing ," I answered, because it was the truth. My mind, usually so cluttered was empty. "You?"

  
"I, uh, over heard Eric and Four talking about you, when I walked out of dinner earlier to use the bathroom," I heard him shuffling in his bed.

  
"And?"

  
"Well, firstly, I don't believe that they get along very well. The whole conversation, or at least what I heard, just seemed like a whole pissing contest, no pun intended."

  
I suppressed a laugh.

  
Matthew continued, "I mean they were talking about you, and while Four thinks the same thing Nathan does, that you're just a fast learner and probably do have it in your DNA or whatever, Eric thinks that someone's been giving you extra help, and he seemed to have two theories..."

  
"Oh yeah? What did he think?"

  
"He thinks that either you got someone, like maybe some of the Dauntless-born initiates to coach you or that Four's been doing it-"

  
"What?!" I whisper-yelled, sitting up in my bed, turning to Matt.

  
"I know, I know," he said, leaning on one arm. "Like I said, the whole thing was just a pissing contest and Eric was trying to rile up Four, see what his reaction was. I managed to get out before either of them could see me, but I think they both knew that someone was there listening to them. Anyways," Matt broke out in a yawn, "let's just get some rest, okay?"

  
I nodded and sat back down. But I realized that my mind started up again. What if Eric really found out what I had done to be this good at fighting? Would he find out before I officially became a member of Dauntless, or before? And even worse, what would he do to my brother?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a thank you for all of you bookmarking and leaving kudos and reading this, I have another update! Thank you all for sticking with my writing these past few months. Please leave me a comment about what you think of the characters and the story's overall progression; I would love to read what you guys have to say! I hope to have another update soon! Happy reading :)

By the time the rankings went up, every fiber in my being was ready to go back to Amity, to the comfort of those I had known for years, to the sun and the earth. But that was not an option.

I had ranked first, which no one seemed to be surprised about.

"You were better than all of us, Vee. You deserve this," Matthew had told me with a huge smile. I couldn't help but smile back at him. He had ranked third, which was also an achievement, and we decided to go out for drinks later that night.

"So," I started as we were getting ready to meet the others, "I've been noticing, and you don't have to answer, that you haven't been sleeping well... Is everything alright? I worry about you, you know," I finished zipping up my pants, turning to look at him.

"Uh..." Matt mumbled, not looking at me directly as he put on his shirt. 

"See! That's how you started last time! It can't be that bad, Matty-boy! Matt... Matthew-Mateo! Look at me!" I giggled, grabbing him by his shoulders. I felt Matt relax under my touch. 

"You know what I just realized that I really love?" He says with a smile.

I raise an eyebrow, also smiling. "My stunning outlook on life and how I always seem to miss my mouth when drinking from a bottle?"  
"The way you just can't seem to call me by my name!"  
Matthew spins me around and tackles me onto my bed and I let out a loud cry.  
"Argh! Matt!" I laugh loudly, sure that everyone in the damn compound can hear us.  
"Let gooooo!"

"Am I interrupting something important, kids?" A voice comes from the door.  
Matt and I immediately stop and from my view I can see Eric, arms across his chest and an annoyed expression on his face.  
Matthew pulls away from me and offers his hand so that I can get up. I take it, and though I should feel slightly bothered and embarrassed that he's interrupted Matt and I, I can't help but also feel a little bit excited. What's he doing here?

"N-no, Eric," I say, conscious of Matthew tensing up beside me.

"It's fine, nothing against initiates dating each other. But I would think that you two would prefer the door to be closed," he smiles sardonically, no doubt wanting to make us both uncomfortable.  
Instead of showing that, I smile. "What, like you wouldn't want to see?"  
Eric's eyes show a flash of shock, but as soon as it appeared, it was gone.  
"I need to speak to you alone," Eric says, his expression hardened now.  
"I'll see you at the bar," Matt turns to me, with an uneasy smile. Be brave, it seemed to say to me.

Once he had left, Eric fully entered the room, looking around as if he didn't know where to start with the conversation. Luckily, I did. 

"What, are you not concerned that some people may think that you are giving me secret training lessons?" I asked, careful to not use the word scared. If I'd said scared, then he, as many of the Dauntless do, would go into a tirade about how they're not scared and this and that. I was not in the mood.

While some other version of me would have help such contempt towards Eric, his behavior during the first stages of initiation had erased any hope I might have had towards a working relationship with him. 

He looked at me seriously for a minute. 

"See something you'd like to comment on, Master?" I heard myself say sarcastically. Where the hell was this coming from?  
"Everything you did was perfect," he states simply.

I can feel myself mentally taking a step back. What? What did he say?  
"What do you mean?" I ask stupidly.  
"I mean what I said," he replies, again making his words sound simple. And I guess they were.  
"I can't imagine the next round of initiation being difficult either. The thing is... In this world, there's rarely anything... Truly impressive anymore. Everything seems to just be a cycle. But..." He stops suddenly, staring at me with steely eyes that made me believe in all things good and bad at the same time. Oh.

"I'm nothing special," I say, feeling a bit embarrassed now.  
"I didn't say you were," Eric replies with a joking smile. I can't help but smile back.  
"Woah," I say, snapping back to my senses. "Eric, are we having A Moment?!"  
He rolls his eyes but smiles despite himself. "I will see you later, initiate," he says, turning and walking out.  
"I'm counting on it!" I call out.

****

"Victoriaaaaa!!"  
I walk into the dark room, seeing people everywhere.  
I turn to where I heard Kiernan call my name; she sat with the rest at a table in the corner. The table was already littered with various cups, no doubt filled with alcohol.

"What's up, fellow initiates?" I ask, sitting down next to Matt who gives me a questioning look. "Later," I whisper to him. He nods and I appreciate that he decides not to push it.

After Eric's departure, I decide to change out of my tank top and into a cropped blackish-greyish shirt, and sliver of my midriff showing, the rest covered by my jeans. I was becoming more comfortable wearing all the black, and since I obviously had no other choice, I was proud of myself for not fighting it any more.

"This is for you," Tristan passes me a plastic cup from across the table. Situated next to him were Nathan and Hafsha, who were in a heated discussion about the origins of Dauntless life, Kiernan on my right, her friend Diane next to her, and Nathan on my left.

"Thanks!" I accept the cup, taking a small sip. Not bad.

"Victoria, I've heard that you did amazingly on your first part of training," Diane tells me, her voice like soft butter. I smile at her.

"Well, I did the best I could," I shrug nonchalantly. "But this isn't about me, you guys did awesome as well! Nathan, I can't believe you came in second!"

"Yeah, you gave Mark a real beating!" Tristan whooped, his excitement and pride for his cousin apparent.

"No, no, the best was Matt and Hafsha, and how they wouldn't fight each other?" Nathan turns to Matthew with a laugh.

"Oh gosh! He kind of just turns to me and goes, 'just do it, but don't leave a mark, baby!' I wouldn't ever even dream of laying a hand on that gorgeous face!" Hafsha says, giggling through her words.

"Yeah, but you still did it anyways!" Matt feigns annoyance, but Hafsha just sticks out her tongue and says, "it was either you or me!"

Matthew wrinkles his nose at her and looks at Kiernan. "How did things go in your group?"

We spent the entire night like that, our small congregation. Talking, laughing at almost everything, and drinking.

***

"I'm starting to like this," Matt says to me as we are walking back to our shared room. Hafsha, Nathan, and Tristan all walked in front of us, Hafsha and Nathan holding Tristan up since he'd had one too many drinks. 

"Me too," I smile up at him. We were walking silently, arms linked.

"Victoria," Matt says suddenly, slowing down a bit. "I... Need to talk to you about something... I don't know, it's kind of embarrassing and I don't even know what I'm feeling-"

"Matt!" I cut him off, stopping in front of him. "You can tell me anything. You don't have to be embarrassed to share anything with me. We're on the same team, remember?" I place a hand on his cheek, feeling his warm face.

"See, that's kind of the problem... we are on the same team," Matt says with a sigh.

"Huh? I'm not following, darling," I say, confusion setting in now. 

"I, uh, have these thoughts about-"

"Aren't you all supposed to be in bed?" Eric's voice boomed in the now empty hallway. "You looked pretty comfortable there earlier, I cannot imagine you'd want to waste any time now," he smiles, unashamed.

"We were just going there, uh, sir," Matt stammers out, and gives me a look. I blink back at him.

"Oh, uh, yeah, our friends seemed to have walked ahead of us, but we will be on our way," I say, hoping to reinforce our excuse.

Eric tilts his head to the side. "You both did well during the first stage- don't slip now because you got a little bit of freedom to yourselves. Tomorrow, we start the real work," he walks back to where he came from, probably to torture another soul.

I feel a breath escape me. "God, he's so freaking cryptic," I say with a short, relieved laugh. Matthew and I continue to walk towards our room, and I can tell that that small window of Matthew finally opening up to me was closed. I'd have to try again tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all for reading all the previous parts! Here's another update, and I hope to have another one soon!

As I expected, Matthew did not continue our conversation once we got into bed. He seemed to go straight to sleep, and I was almost glad for the alone time, because it gave me a chance to think about Eric. 

It was infuriating that we saw each other so much, simply because it made me think of him that much more. During the first stage, he was only present during some of the fights, and even then he looked bored, so I didn't really pay him any mind. But now...  
What was it that he said? Everything I had done was perfect? I wouldn't dare take that as a compliment, knowing him. If I wasn't more careful, everything could unravel, and that was something I definitely did not need.

***

We were not awoken peacefully. Four loudly clancked two pieces of metal, then threw them on the ground, leading to more commotion. There were now eight of us; Sam, the Candor boy who I first fought, as well as Amy, an Erudite, had both been cut. Matthew called Sam's fate karma.

As soon as we were all dressed, we were lead to another part of the building that housed (what looked like) research rooms and security rooms. Four made us sit in a small hallway; two rows of chairs faced each other, and there was a door between them. 

For about two hours, Four called initiates into the room that the door led to. People came back out twenty or so minutes later, some took more time, some less. Some of them left noticeably shaken; Matt exited with puffy eyes and a runny nose.  
As he passed by me, I stuck out my hand and he gave it a quick squeeze. As the third hour approached, Hafsha, Nathan and I were the only ones left waiting. We didn't speak, but the silence wasn't uncomfortable. However, when Tristan came out sobbing, his whole body so consumed by what had happened in the room that it had physically affected him, we all gave each other nervous looks. Nathan was obviously worried about his cousin but he kept his thoughts to himself. 

Four remained in the hall once Tristan was out of sight. "I am going on my lunch break," he announced in a monotone voice, his instructor persona still on. "Eric will be here to oversee your... Appointments."  
And, as if appearing from thin air, Eric rounded the corner and was suddenly in our space. He greeted Four with a grunt as he passed him, and stood at the doorway. He settled his eyes on me. "Are you coming in now or should we reschedule?"

***

"Sit down," he ordered. I did as I was told and found that the chair was not as uncomfortable as it looked.  
"You will be facing your worst fears, Ms. Lane. I will inject you with this serum that will map out the landscape in your mind; it will also allow me to see inside your head."  
My eyes widened a bit, but I quickly got myself in check. "That doesn't sound so bad-" I was cut off when he leaned over, pushed my hair aside, and stuck a needle in my neck. I felt a shiver run through my whole body and swallowed hard, feeling the effects start.  
"Any words of advice?" I asked drowsily, my picture of the man in front of me becoming blurrier.  
"You don't need any," I think he said, as my vision turned black.

Just like when I took my aptitude test, when I 'awoke' into my landscape, it felt all too real. I was wearing the same clothes I was wearing in the test room with Eric, black workout leggings and a black muscle tank. I stood in the middle of an empty field, and I immediately knew that I was in Amity. I turned and turned in circles, but all my eyes could see was wheat and trees and patches of grass. No people, no houses. 

Finally, on one turn, everything began to show up. 

People were walking, laughing. I recognized some of their faces. The familiarity of it all almost hurt my chest; I could've stayed here with my brother and not jeopardize my life. I quickly turned that thought away, and started to walk towards everyone, when suddenly a shot rang out in the air, and then madness ensued. The same joyous, calm and peaceful people began to punch, kick, smack and bite one another. There was another shot, and then there were Dauntless everywhere. Unlike the Amity, I didn't know any of these Dauntless soldiers. 

"Stop!" I yelled, running towards everyone. "Stop! Please, stop!" I was running at full speed, in a voice so shrill and desperate that I wasn't even sure if it was mine. I was getting closer and closer, but just as I almost reached an Amity girl crying out for help, her head bloodied and arms cut, I slammed into something. An invisible force stopped me from getting to her; I was only a few feet away from her. I quickly got up off the ground and put my hand out. It was like a glass screen.  
I started walking towards the left, feeling my way across the invisible force that felt like concrete but was anything but. My breathing became erratic when I noticed other people coming towards her, Amity and Dauntlesss alike, like a pack of wolves.

"Stop!" I screamed in that same desperate voice, pounding on the glass. It didn't even budge, but I didn't stop. The people came closer, and a sick feeling began to take root in my stomach, like when you know you can't keep something from happening, you know you're going to fail.  
At last, an Amity woman appeared with a gun, and before she could pull the trigger, I was back at the test room.

I quickly sat up on the chair, and the first thing that I noticed was that the same feeling of dread was still festering deep in my stomach. I coughed and coughed, like I had just swallowed an impossible amount of water and it was threatening to come back up.

"What happened?!" Came a hard voice from beside me. I snapped my head to my left where Eric sat, arms across his chest and an angry expression on his face. 

"I don't know," I said breathlessly. "I was panicking and I really didn't want to see that and-"

"So you pulled yourself out?" He almost growled. 

"I don't- I don't know! Is that even possible?" I asked and touched my face. It was warm and I was surprised that I hadn't cried. 

Eric narrowed his eyes at me. "What was it?"

"Huh?" I asked, pulling my eyes back to his. 

"What was so terrible that you couldn't face? What were you scared of?"

Coming out of someone else's mouth, the words would've been curious at worst but with Eric they were taunting, almost suspicious.  
"What, you didn't see? They were all killing each other!" I felt my voice tremble. 

"Who the fuck cares? We are all trained to do that! How was that scary?!" He was yelling at me now, leaned forward in his chair. 

"No, no, you don't get it," I said shaking my head. "It looked random but it wasn't. All those people were organized, they all had the same idea in their head. I didn't have a side to go on because no side was doing the right thing. I couldn't help anyone," I added the last part softly, looking down as I did. "It was chaos, Eric, and I was scared. Wouldn't you be, if you didn't know whose side you were on?" I asked almost pleadingly. 

"I'd be on my side, initiate. Now get out," he said with a scoff, turning back on his chair and writing down some notes. I got up and walked to the door, but Eric continued.  
"You'd better get some rest, because we will be finishing this tomorrow, I don't care how scared you are," he said the word 'scared' with a laugh. I managed not to roll my eyes and instead opted to exit the room, closing the door silently behind me.

Hafsha and Nathan looked up when I exited. I tried to give them encouraging smiles as I walked pass them. 

Why did Eric react so irrationally towards what I had seen? I knew that Four and him were supposed to help us get past them in order to become better fighters, no, soldiers. But didn't you have to understand something in order to beat it? You couldn't just fight aimlessly against something. He baffled me so much that something he'd told me had almost escaped me- he said that I had willingly woken up from my landscape. Was that even possible? There was only one person that could possibly know the answer.

 

I ran into Four in the hallway leading up to the training room. He was walking towards me with two other men, laughing (!) and generally looking like a friendly guy.  
"Four!" I called out to him, although I had no reason to since he would have seen me either way. He raised a thick eyebrow at me, his eyes still holding a light humor to it.  
"What is it, Victoria?" He asked, now in front of me with the two guys on either side. 

"Victoria, is it? Are you the initiate who's been sending everyone to the nurse?" The guy on his left spoke, scratching his beard as he did so. He was taller than Four by a few inches, his skin darker as well. His beard along with his neatly buzzed hair made for a very handsome guy. 

"Uhh, I guess so?" I answered, not knowing how to respond. Would you ever own up to hurting people? I thought. 

"Ander, a pleasure," the dark-skinned man stuck out his hand. I grasped it firmly and shook it once, but before I could let go, Ander grabbed me by my elbow and pulled me to him, looking at my face closely. All I could manage was a few short breaths as he studied me for a few seconds, before he let go and turned to Four. 

"She's upset, Four. You should talk to her. Junior, let's go have a drink," he said the last part to the other guy, who just nodded once at me and walked past me with Ander. 

"Ander thinks he's psychic," Four said, shrugging. "Sometimes he's right, and the only way to find out is to ask. Are you okay?"

I knotted my fingers together. For some unexplainable reason, I felt that I could trust Four.

"I'm fine," I said, taking a breath. "But I would still like to talk to you, if that's okay."

Four looked at me with an unreadable expression, his dark eyes scanning my face. He gave me a quick nod after a few seconds. "Sure, I'll take you to my office."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update; next part should be up soon! Please comment what you guys think! xx

It turns out that Four doesn't actually have an office. "Instructor break room," he said, leading me into the spacious room. "Whenever we need to get away from all the commotion and take a nap or eat or just hang out, we come here."

"So why do you guys eat in the dining hall with the rest of us?" I asked, sitting down on a very comfortable couch, Four sitting next to me. 

"We need to be around in case there's any problems. Also, the more you guys see us, the more you're likely to trust us," he shrugged. "The leaders get their own space like this as well, to have meetings and things like that."

I nodded, appreciating that he was telling me things. 

"So, I wanted to talk to you about my landscape today-"

Four shifted nervously, turning to face me directly. "We're not really supposed to discuss that, Victoria. Phase two is really in your hands; it's different for everyone so we can't really do much except tell you to breathe deeply and remember that it's just a dream."

I shifted my body as well to look at him straight on. "No, I know that. It's just that mine was so weird, and Eric said that I got out of it willingly? How does that even happen? Were we supposed to do more than one today?" I asked.

Four's expression hardened. "So your landscape just stopped after one dream?"

I swallowed. "Yeah. It was... Something that I really didn't want to see was going to happen and I could feel myself panicking..." I trailed, my eyes searching Four's for some explanation.

"Hmm," he thinks for a second. "I don't think that's totally impossible. Fear can shut you down or wake you up. Your body might have been full of so much adrenaline that it forced the serum out of your body..." With this, his eyes quickly flicked to mine, again narrowing. It didn't feel suspicious, like Eric's states sometimes were. It just felt like Four was trying to understand me. 

"So I should be able to continue normally tomorrow, you think? Get through all my fears? How many of them are there supposed to be?"

"Well, some people have several really bad fears, you'll know which they are when you confront them. I'm sure that the one you had today was one of those," he raise an eyebrow. 

I nodded, glad for his words. I felt myself relax. I allowed myself to get a really good look at Four now. He was very handsome. I felt myself mentally blush at this and decided to ask him some other questions. 

"So, Four, do you have any tattoos?"  
The corner of his lips turned up in a half smile. "Some, sure."

I tilt my head to the side. "Can I see them?"

He raises an eyebrow. "Here?" I smirk at him. "What, are you scared?" I taunted.

Four narrowed his eyes at me playfully. "Have you still been training?" He asked, artfully ignoring my question. I decided not to push him and shook my head. "We haven't really paused since initiation started."

He nodded understandingly. "The training room is still open. The one we used is only for initiates; there are other gym areas that members of Dauntless can use so don't be afraid of running into people there. Use this time, Victoria. You're good. You're really good, but from here you can only get better," Four advices, and I can hear the honesty in his voice. I smile.

"I always said that to my brother, when he helped me train-" I stop and feel a sinking feeling deep in my stomach, just like I did in my landscape. I close my eyes at the slip and feel the anger- at my self- begin to form. Why couldn't we just keep talking about tattoos?

Before Four could reply, I open my eyes again and laugh. Actually laugh like a crazy person.

"Ah, yes, there it is. I guess if anyone as going to find out, it may as well be you," I shook my head again, looking at anything but Four.

"Victoria," he says, his voice lower. "If we are going to talk about anything... Sensitive, we have to do it in private, do you understand? Now, do you want to tell me? If you don't, that's fine, I can pretend like this never happened. But it's better that you have an ally that knows the ins and outs of this place," he looks at me with concern.

"Okay, yeah let's go somewhere else. Wait- where can we go?" I ask, standing.

"My room is free," Four replies, walking to the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picks up where last chapter left off. Please read and shoot me a comment! xx

Four's room was in the direction where Eric caught Matt and I a few weeks earlier; high ranking members of Dauntless all lived there. 

His room was huge, mostly bare and with a few things thrown around. It didn't really look like he spent much time there.

"You've got a great view," I commented, standing by the balcony. Four chuckled.

"So, tell me what's going on," he started, arms folded across his chest.

"Well," I began, trying to gather all my thoughts. Where to begin?

"What'd you get on your aptitude test?"

"Amity?" I said, unsure. Four kept staring.

"And Erudite," I went on, keeping a close eye on his reaction, but he didn't even bat an eye.

"And Dauntless?" I said again as if I was the one asking him a question.

Four sighed. "Nothing else?"

I shrugged. "Not that I know of. Wait, have you had people like this here? I thought they were all at..." I trailed off, searching his eyes. "Are you a transfer? You are, right? Oh gosh, Four, please tell me you know more people like this, it's very important-"

"You thought they were all where? What do you know about this, Victoria?" He stepped closer.

"What do I know? How about what don't I know? Let me guess, Abnegation?" I started pacing around his room, taking more of it in as I did. 

"Everything's gonna go to shit, isn't it? My brother- Jack- told me and I told him that everything would be fine but it's not going to be and if I don't make it here then things could get more difficult-"

"Victoria, stop, and breathe, please," Four halted me and put both of his hands on my shoulders. "You need to tell me exactly what's happening, alright?"

I nodded and swallowed. "Let's sit."

Four led me to his couch and we sat just like we had earlier, facing each other. He gave me a look that said begin.

I searched my mind for all the information and all that facts, not wanting to miss anything. At this point, Four could have been recording this whole exchange and have me killed. 

However, something in the way that he had put his hands on my shoulder to calm me down made me safe, so I decided that I would be better off telling him.

"My parents weren't from here, you see. A couple of years before my brother and i were born, they came from beyond the fence. Some patrols helped them in, they told us," I looked down at my hands while speaking.

"They always told us that when we were older, things would change, not just for us, but for the entire city. They said the faction system was no way for civilization to advance. Apparently they studied how people here lived. I mean, I didn't really understand, right, because I've lived here my whole life. It was hard to picture anything else, really," I looked up at him.

"And then Erudite started with that whole divergent mess and trying to eradicate anyone who they thought possessed divergence, so things became a little more complicated. They tried to help a lot of people... Amity is the least-watched faction so people could move around freely. No one said anything because no one wanted to start conflict..." I trailed off, hoping he could pick out what I was trying to say.

"You hid people," he stated, but it sounded more like a question. "Well... How? I mean there could have been people watching you- your parents- and probably told Erudite."

"Nah, my parents were really good. You'd be surprised," I smiled sadly.

"What happened to them?"

"They, ah, left. They weren't in any position of high power, so they slipped out; people hardly noticed. And like I said, even if an Amity is curious, keeping the peace is more important. There were no questions," I murmured.

"So they left you and your brother alone? Just like that?"

I nodded. "At first I was sad, obviously, because who would do that? But then I started to realize that this, all of this," I lifted my hands up to indicate all the space around us, "is bigger than any of us. We have to make sacrifices, you know, to secure our future. Sometimes that means suffering losses," I shrugged. It was something that I had gone through myself, wondering how my parents left.

"And what you're trying to do is..." Four asked.

"Finish what they started. We know that Erudite is crazy as hell and will probably start a civil war or something. We gather as much information, with my brother at Erudite and myself here- let's be honest. Erudite isn't going anywhere but here for muscle. They'll need guards and soldiers. Where else are they going to look? So I'm here, and I'll try to communicate with my brother when I can-"

"How do you even know that you can pull this off? You don't know what Erudite is planning. And why such protectiveness towards Divergents?"

I scoffed at Four. "I'm not trying to be cocky, Four. But this is what I've been preparing myself for, mentally and physically. Don't you get it? I have to succeed. I have to get it right. People can't help it how they're born, but to die because they're different?" I shook my head, running a hand through my hair. "That's insane. I can't just stand by while I know that's happening."

Four finally nods, and I see some clarity in his eyes, like he finally knows what I'm saying.

"You're right," he sighed. "But you're gonna need one hell of a plan to pull whatever it is you're going to do off."

"I know. So for now we wait. I don't think they'll do something now... They'll have to plan very carefully. But all I can do now is wait and keep my eyes and ears open," I shrug.  
Four and I sit there quietly for a moment, just letting our conversation sink in.

"I don't doubt that I can trust you, you know," I say, looking at him. "From when I first met you, even when you weren't nice at dinner that first night. I thought, 'that boy is probably the most trustworthy thing in this whole goddamn complex'," I smile at him. He narrows his eyes but smiles nonetheless.

"I can't place you," is all he says, his smile warm. "You're all over the map, Victoria."

I raise an eyebrow. "That's because I refuse to just be one single thing. I can't be. I'd probably die, you know? I mean, I'm just being dramatic... But maybe I'm not. It just doesn't translate well into my brain, this whole faction thing. How can people just be one thing and be happy with that? Not do anything? Wouldn't it be amazing if you could be smart and kind and brave? Imagine that!" I push up to my knees, looking at Four animatedly. 

"Imagine falling in love with someone who was all of those things and more? That would be the most incredible thing ever, and I hope it happens to both of us," I finish, leaning in and looking at him earnestly. 

“You may think that you don’t deserve it, but you do. Wouldn’t it be nice to share the load of this godforsaken world with someone?” 

"That's the dream, isn't it?" Four replies coolly. "Its just the waiting part that kill you."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter as I get back to writing this again- hope this is okay!

Matt stared back at me, mouth agape.

"You told him all of that? And he didn't turn you in? YOU WERE AT HIS PLACE?!" Matt spoke rapidly. I shushed him, even though we were alone in our dorm.

"Yes! And now you know as well. It was exhausting keeping all of this in, Matty," I reach over and grab his hand in mine. 

"I never would've guessed, Vee. But now that you told me... I can't see anything else for you. It's really important for you, isn't it?" He says. 

"Yeah, of course. It's my whole life," I squeeze his hand. He squeezes my hand back and nods, smiling.

"I'm with you, whatever you want to do. You know that, right?"

I smile back and feel an overwhelming sense of joy and love for the boy in front of me.  
"Yeah. I've got your back and you've got mine."

******

"Back for round two?" Eric smirks as he closes the door behind me. "You know I can't stay away," I say flatly, rolling my eyes. 

I walk to the chair and sit, waiting for him to start. This time I wasn't too worried about Eric noticing anything strange; Four had told me that the key was to do everything like a Dauntless do. He told me that it was like an obstacle course, and while there were no clear cut ways to solve it, I should still take my time and only act if I think I know how a member of Dauntless would.

"What were you doing at Four's place yesterday?" Eric asked.   
I dragged my eyes to his. "Are you spying on me now?" Eric scoffs in response. "I told you that place is for Dauntless members only, initiate."

"It's only a matter of time, Eric, before I am a member of Dauntless. I think I should check out how my future faction sleeps," I commented nonchalantly, sitting back on the chair. "Now are we doing this or what?"

Eric sneers but doesn't answer. He picks up the needle from the table and starts towards me.

"Remember, no backing out."

*****  
"All of these people have... Committed terrible crimes. They all have to be punished," a voice rang from around me. It sounded familiar, but foreign all the same.

The space around me was pitch black, but I could still see my hands in front of me.

"However!" the bodiless voice sang out, "one of them could be saved! And you can make that choice!"

I stared straight ahead, waiting for something to appear. What was he talking about?

Finally, just like in my landscape yesterday, people began to appear. At first they were blurry, as if they were behind a steamed glass or like there was something in my eyes. But as they walked closer, I could see that they weren't just a random bunch of people.

In front of me stood my parents, both in their worn Amity clothes, my brother in a beautiful blue Erudite suit, standing straight. Next to him was Four, then Matthew, and then... Eric.

"Choose, child! You have all this power, in your hands!"

And, as seamlessly as things seemed to happen in these landscapes, there was a gun in my hand.

My body, no longer connected to my brain, ordered my arm to raise as I silently protested in my head. I can't! I can't kill any of these people!

"What have they done," I spoke through gritted teeth, trying to lower my arm, but it was no use.

"Ah, what does it matter? They're all bloody, all at fault!"

I imagined the man's voice as a devil on my left shoulder, speaking into my head. I shook my head quickly and looked up at all the faces. My parents stood holding hands, looking at me with love in their eyes.

I looked at Four, standing with his arms crossed but giving me that same curious stare he did when I opened up to him. His eyes again seemed to say, "go on, you can trust me."

I can't. Goodness help me I can't.

I looked at Eric who just tilted his head to the side.   
His eyes were the last I saw before I turned the gun on my self.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am currently feeling a lot of emotions right now. Hope you all enjoy!

No, no, no, not him, please.   
I walked through the crowd, not really seeing where I was going. I needed to see Four, to see Eric, just to have it confirmed.   
Tears blurred my vision as I bumped into people everywhere. Most of them were drinking already so they didn't seem to mind.

Finally I heard a familiar voice laughing. I blinked a couple of times to clear my eyes of unshed tears as I saw Eric just a few feet away from me. He was talking to one of the older members of Dauntless, both of them holding beers.

"Eric," I said, walking up to him. He looked momentarily bothered but then put on a cheeky smile.

"Bobby, this is the number one ranked initiate this year," he said, walking next to me and placing a rough hand on my neck. I held back a shudder and turned to him. "Eric, I need to talk to you, please," I begged softly.

He led me out of the crowd, his hand still on my neck and I could feel my body stiffen as people glanced at us.

"What now, your highness?" He asked.

"Is he out? Is he actually out? He was doing so well, and suddenly he's out?" I asked frantically. Eric just stared back blankly. "Please tell me there's something you can do, Eric. Please."

He takes a long drink of his beer, his eyes still on mine. Then he stops and shrugs, tossing the now empty bottle on a nearby trashcan.

"Sorry, it's out of my hands," he says, his tone sounding anything but sorry. He then gives me a once over and walks back into the crowd.

Suddenly, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

"He's out of here by now!" Eric calls out to me, a smirk on his lips.   
But I don't stay to respond. I am running fast towards our room. He should be here. He has to be. There's no way he could have left.

I finally make it to the room and halt at the door. Matt is sitting on his bed, his back to me, shoulders slumped. I let out a small breath and start moving again.

He doesn't move, and I don't call out to him. Instead, I get on the bed behind him and wrap my arms around him. I hug him tightly and breathe in his scent.

"It's not fair," I mumble, my eyes closed.

Matt still doesn't move but places one hand over my own. "I'm gonna miss you so much," he simply says. He's already accepted this as his fate, and it breaks me.

"You don't really have to go, Matt. You can hide out in my room and I'll bring you food and then when the new initiates come we can change your appearance-"  
He shifts now so that we are facing each other, knees crossed on his bed.

"Victoria," he whispers, running his thumb over my cheek.   
I shake my head. "You can't go, Matt. What am I supposed to do without you? We were going to share this world together," I look up to his dark brown eyes, searching for I don't know what. We can't stop this from happening.

"And we did share this world, kid. But now it's obvious that I don't belong here. But you do. You'll make this place so much better," he tells me, tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"Please," I say softly, because it's the only thing I can say.   
Matt leans in a places a gentle kiss on my lips. He then gets up and grabs a bag from under his bed.

"One last thing," he says. He reaches down and fetches something from his pocket. "For having my back."  
Matt hands me a beautiful turquoise bracelet, our initials embroidered on it in black.

I hold back a sob as I take it in my hands, unable to do anything else. I begin to shake my head again and look up at him.   
"Until we meet again," he says and reaches over to caress my face one last time.

Then Matthew is gone. Out the door and into his new life. And I just stood frozen, my feet locked, holding his bracelet in my hand.

I stand for what feels like hours, an eternity even. I stared at the door, willing him to come back. To tackle me into the bed and tell me some gossip he heard and tell me about his family.

I finally turn away and sit on my bed, and look at the bracelet. He must have used his points on this. It was such a beautiful color. I slipped it on my wrist and pulled on a loose end that allowed me to tighten it. Then I let my hand fall limply on my thighs. What am I supposed to do now?

"Ah, so he really did leave," I hear a voice from behind me. I didn't have to turn to know who it was. Instead, I brought my feet up and laid on my side, facing Matt's bed.

I hear Eric's loud footsteps come closer and closer, until finally he stands in front of me. Still, I look through him as my eyes un focus. 

"What's wrong, huh? Letting grief take over now, are we?" Eric taunts. I, however, am no mood to indulge him with an outburst. Instead, I do what surprises him. I open up.

"Eric," I start, sitting up again. "How the hell did this happen? And to Matthew?" I gather my hair and twist it at the nape of my neck, my nerves at my fingertips.

Eric lowers his eyes and sits facing me, crossing his arms in front of him. He gives no indication that he's going to answer, so I keep going.

"I know what you're probably thinking... that-that I need to be stronger and get on with the rest of being here at Dauntless, but do we have to be brave all the time? Do we not get anyone to lean on sometimes?" I ask, my voice turning pleading towards the end of my sentence. I wanted him to feel what I felt.

"Listen, Amity. We all go through shit here all the time. Your little friend leaving is probably the best thing for you- he won't distract you anymore-"

"Please, Eric," I sneer at him, my mouth curled up. "You and I both know damn well that Matthew wasn't 'distracting' me. He motivated me and I felt like a great person everyday because of him-"

"Well if you need someone to go around complimenting you all day, I suggest you pay one of the losers at the pit for that, they could really use the money," Eric interrupts, one eyebrow arched.

I shake my head at him. "Could you for one second act like a person with feelings?! If you don't want to talk me through this, fine, you don't have to. You're not my counselor, you're my leader. I wouldn't blame you if you got up right now and said, 'well, this all sucks, hope you make it through' and then left. But no, you have to say all this extra shit, and your holier-than-thou attitude is really starting to get on my nerves," my voice raises slightly but never falters. Eric just stares back, his face calm.

I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "If you don't want to deal with me, then don't. We're not friends, we don't owe each other anything," I begin to stand. "But believe me, if you were going through a tough time, leader or not, I sure as well wouldn't throw it in your face."

I exit the room, leaving Eric behind.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! It's been forever, I know. That's why I am not even going to dare to apologize because I know that there's no forgiveness for the criminally long time that it has taken me to update, so I hope this will do instead. I promise you all that I will complete this work, so don't be too nervous. Thanks to all the new readers who've subscribed and left kudos, I greatly appreciate you all. Let me know what you guys think. Will post another update soon!

"My biggest fear while fighting was definitely getting punched in the tit," Kiernan says shaking her head, before taking a bite of her burger. "But I'm so good that I managed to avoid that, and this place is better for it."

I sat with my hands at my temple, listening to easy conversation unfold before me. The past month has been a flurry of welcoming parties, registering for apartments, and, of course, applying for jobs. None of which I took part in, deciding instead to hide out in the old initiation dorms when not eating and not working out. Kiernan, Hafsha, Nathan and Tristan had tried and tried to get me to join them to do anything. They had even offered to stay with me in our old living compartments, both options which I opted out of. I let them know as much as I possibly could though, that I appreciated their patience with me and was grateful for their friendship.

I sigh and look up at my friends. I can see Nathan shaking his head, drinking out of his water bottle.

"Um, but do you remember kicking me in the di-"

Kiernan cuts him off: "IT WAS IN THE WAY!"

"IN THE WAY OF WHAT?" Nathan asks, his tone matching hers.

I shift my eyes and can see people at the surrounding table turn their attention to us.

"In the way of me kicking your ass," Kiernan responds, calmly this time as she sees people staring. "And if you're going to be loud, Nathan, please don't do it in the dining hall." Nathan opens his mouth to say something back, but then closes it. Hafsha places a calming hand on his shoulder, and I see him look at her, giving her a small smile.

I quickly turn away. _Why does the way he looks at her remind me of Eric?_

I decide to get up, opting for a walk instead of joining my friends for after dinner shenanigans.

Aimlessly walking through the halls of Dauntless, I find myself back at the old dorms again. What am I doing here? Then it hits me. Oh god, could I possibly be looking for Eric? I hadn't seen him since Matthew had left a month earlier. If I'm being honest with myself, earlier at dinner was not the first time the intimidating dauntless leader has crossed my mind recently. Yesterday in the gym, I thought about him taunting us while we ran laps. And last week with Four, I remember crossing paths with him near the leaders quarters. And to think, that just a month ago I dreaded seeing him almost everyday.

My feet start walking out of the dorms, seemingly working faster than my brain, and I already know, I just know that I am going to look for him. Let's see, he wasn't at the dining hall... I make my way to the chasm, past the labs, and even make it on the ammunition lot, but still no sign of him. I think about giving up and almost return back to the dorm when I stop and think: Of course, he would be in his room. Stupid.

Speed walking from the lot means I get there in less than 10 minutes. I knock on the door which was pointed out to me some weeks ago as Eric's room before I chicken out. Getting no answer after a few moments, I knock again.

"Looking for someone?"

I turn around quickly, my hand on my chest. "Eric!" Eric walks slowly towards me, a smirk playing on his lips.

"You know, I had this feeling, small feeling, that sooner or later, you'd be knocking at my door, amity," he says, getting closer before finally stopping just a few feet away from me. "I just didn't know how soon."

I take a steadying breath, making sure that I held my ground. "I... hi," is all I can manage.

I mentally kick myself. _You wanted him, now here he is_.

"Did you want to come in?" Eric asks, motioning to his door.

"No, no, I just wanted to find you," I say, clamping my hands in front of me.

"Well, here I am," Eric gestures around him.

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk... to you," I reply stupidly.

Eric smirks again. "Yes, we are definitely talking." I try to contain a smile, but ultimately find that I can't. A laugh escapes me, and I quickly put my hand over my mouth to stop from laughing more.

"I honestly don't know why I came to find you. I guess I missed my daily dose of Eric," I shrug, looking at him. I tilt my head to the side, taking in his features. "You wear that neck tattoo beautifully, has anyone ever told you that?"

To my absolute shock, Eric throws his head back and lets out an actual laugh. I smile, delighted. I can't help but think, _have I ever been upset at him?_ And then I remember-

"I wanted to apologize, for how I spoke to you, you know, the last time," I look away and shake my head. "It wasn't appropriate, and I'm sorry."

Eric says nothing but takes a step forward. Then another.

"Honestly? You are very lucky that you are charming, because no one speaks to me like that. But I let it slide, because I think that your attitude, along with your work ethic will get you somewhere one day."

I look at him confused. "Wait, really?" Eric raises an eyebrow as if to say, _what?_

"Is this- wait, could we actually get along, you think?" I ask him earnestly.

"Only if you tell me why you came here today," he answers, suddenly serious.

"I wanted to apologize...?" I say, unsure.

"No, I am not taking that answer," Eric pushes past me, taking out the keys to his apartment. "You think you wanted to apologize, but there's something more, isn't there?"

I turn to look at him. "Uh oh, I guess normal Eric is back."

"Normal Eric thinks you're making excuses, amity," he replies while opening his door and entering his apartment. He leaves the door wide open, and I'm unsure what to do, so I just wait outside.

My curiosity gets the best of me and I manage to get a sneak of his apartment, which at first glance looks like Four's, but nicer. Way nicer. Less than a minute later Eric walks back out, locking the door behind him. He puts what looks like a wallet on his inside jacket pocket and turns back to me.

"Let's go for a drink, yeah? To talk properly."

"Should I be asking if this is a date?" I ask meekly. Eric doesn't say anything but smiles, and starts walking.

This should be fun.


	12. Chapter 12

Eric quietly led me to the Dauntless bar, his long legs effortlessly carrying him forward, his shoulders square and his back straight. It was amazing to see how everyone parted ways while he walked.

I didn't utter a word, nervously excited for what was in store when we got there.

The bar thankfully wasn't that full; most people were either still in the dining hall or were partaking in after dinner activities. Eric made a beeline for a table at the back of the bar, nodding hello at the woman tending the bar for the night. He sat down first, shrugging off his jacket so he was left with a tight black crew neck on.

"Sit," he held out a hand, gesturing to the seat in front of him. I did as I was told, smiling nervously.

"Do you come here often?" I asked, clasping my hands on the table.

"Sometimes," he replied easily, doing the same. "You want something to drink?"

I shook my head. "Nope, don't drink."

Eric gave me a teasing smile. "Neither do I."

I remembered him drinking a beer the last time we had a conversation, when our rankings were put up and Matthew... _Matthew_. I put it out of my mind. Maybe he wasn't drinking anymore.

We ended up getting two colas each. I noticed Eric was actually _nice_ to the woman at the bar, and when he returned with the drinks, I felt ashamed for thinking he'd be anything but. He was a leader here after all, I'm sure he didn't treat everyone like he did us during initiation.

"Listen, I have to say you're being pretty civil. It looks good on you," I said as I played with the straw in my cup. "I had this idea of you in my head and... Well, you don't seem like that now, thankfully."

"And what idea was that?" Eric asked, not touching his drink.

"Oh, you know," I started, rolling my eyes up. "Evil leader of Dauntless that would occasionally behave like a human person."

I saw Eric's jaw tighten as he looked down at his hands, then back at me. "And now?"

I stared back at him, studying his face. I shook my head slowly. "I don't know. I guess we'll just have to see."

Eric smiled a bit, pursing his lips. "Everyone's been bugging me about you not taking an official position here, you know."

"Well, I have time to choose, right?" I asked, drinking from my cup.

Eric tilted his head a bit, lifting a finger to trace the rim of his cup. "Yeah, you do. But you flew through the initiation, so there's a certain level of _expectation_ that comes from that."

"And what would you have me do?" I asked lightly.

"I'm not supposed to put ideas in your head; you came first so you get to pick from the best jobs. We had a guy here a couple of years ago who came first too, choose to work at the school as an officer," Eric scoffed, disapproval clear in his voice.

"What if I want to do that? I'm rather fond of kids," I teased. Eric smirked, taking the bait.

"Well, I would have to change your mind."

I smiled back at him, then looked back at my drink. "Eric, this is... Nice. Thanks for bringing me here."

"You haven't really been out much. People notice," he commented.

I sighed, pushing the drink away from me. "People talk too much."

"Is this about your friend?"

I blinked stupidly at him, wondering what he was getting at. "Matthew? Sure," I said.

"Hmm," was all Eric said.

"Do you know where he is?" I asked.

Eric picked up his cup and took a small sip. "Factionless," he responded curtly.

I leaned forward in my seat a bit, feeling my face warm up. "And? That's all you're going to tell me?"

"He was a distraction, Amity. You're better off now," Eric replies, his tone matching mine.

"Oh, so we're back to _Amity_ now?" I sneer at him, crossing my arms against my chest. "And who are you to tell me who is and who isn't a distraction, hmm? He's my friend."

"You," Eric starts, closing his eyes, "talk _a lot_ , did you know that?"

I scoff at him. "Oh, give me a break, you psycho. Why are we even here if you don't like me talking, huh? The whole point of being here is to talk," I gesture to the room around us.

Eric's gaze darkens, but I don't care. He's so abrupt and moody, I'm not sure how to even act around him. I mean, we started out so well.

"I am just going to do both of us a favor and leave, okay?" I say, starting to get up. Eric rolls his eyes and lets out an exasperated sigh.

"No, don't," he says lowly, so I'm not sure if I heard him correctly. Then I see him hold out a hand as if to stop me from leaving. I quirk up an eyebrow.

"Oh? You want me to stay?" I say mockingly. Eric just stares back sullenly.

I look around the bar. Though it was starting to fill up, no one seemed to notice us at the back; or if they did, they certainly didn't care. I turn back to Eric.

"I don't want to argue with you, Eric, but you can be exceptionally difficult at times," I sigh, sitting back down.

Eric shoots me a questioning look. "Victoria, you _are_ exceptionally difficult. You're always going on about this thing or the other. You have to start thinking about the bigger picture."

"What in the shit are you talking about, Eric? Nothing you ever say-"

"Victoria, right?" I was interrupted by an older guy dressed in Dauntless black; he seemed a bit out of breath and stood with his hands on his hips.

"Bobby," Eric immediately stood up, "Is everything alright?"

"It's..." Bobby trailed, his eyes flickering between me and Eric, seemingly not knowing who he should speak to first.

"Well, what is it?" Eric's voice turned impatient, and suddenly I felt nauseous. _Bad, something bad._

"It's your brother."

My breath caught in my throat. I stood quickly, placing a hand on the edge of the table to steady myself.

"He's passed on."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Thank you for leaving kudos and commenting/bookmarking, this story has kind of taken off on here and FF.net//Wattpad, and I only have you guys to thank! The story might take a more AU turn sometime over the following chapters, something I feel more comfortable with as I write more of Eric x Victoria together. I am still unsure if I should write in Tris and her initiation class, so I am leaving that up to all of you: Would you like to see her here or would that just be a distraction? I hope to have the next part ready for you guys within the next week, so stay tuned! Happy reading :D

_One month later._

Eric paced in front of me, hands held behind his back, shaking his head. Suddenly he stops and brings his eyes up to my face. His mouth curls up in a snarl, and I can't help but hold a breath in. He narrows his eyes at me.

"I can't even look at you."

Eric turns on his heels and walks out of the room, slamming the door behind him, and I can't help but jump at the sound.

I take a breath to steady myself. _Don't. Cry._

I look around the apartment I had finally gotten for myself. After Jack passed, I thought I'd be more comfortable grieving in a space that was mine, away from concerned eyes, no matter how much they wanted to help.

I decide to call Four, the only person who I felt would set me straight in all this. And I felt... Guilt, because I had friends who were willing to listen to me and take care of me, but as much as I willed myself to open up to them, I couldn't. I just couldn't. _Am I a bad person?_

I leave the door unlocked for Four, deciding to put on some tea while I waited. The kitchen was my favorite part of the minuscule apartment; the fresh fruit I picked up from the makeshift Dauntless 'market' reminded me that they came from my home. And really, that's all I wanted, to go home.

Four arrives 20 minutes later, wordlessly walking through the door and crossing the short hallway to the kitchen where I waited. He sat down in front of me at the small square dinner table, giving me an expectant look.

"I told Eric... Everything. Why I came here, I mean," I started slowly, looking down at the table. "I thought that I should be _honest_ with him, you know? He was being so patient and kind..." I trailed off, feeling the threat of tears come to my eyes.

"And he got angry," Four stated plainly.

I nodded. "And he got angry. And he left."

Four pursed his lips. "Well, what did you think was going to happen?" He asked, laying his hands flat on the table. "Eric's a leader here, he wouldn't like to think that someone like you could get past him, especially when you have all these plans to undermine his authority-"

"I should've never come here," I interrupted him, my voice breaking.

Four stared at me, his mouth slowly open.

"I am such a stupid, _stupid_ girl. I mean, you're right. What did I think was going to happen? Sure, initiation was kind of easy, but how were we going to know where they were looking for divergents? And how were we even going to get them to amity, let alone beyond the fence? My parents were good at this, and I not, and..." I stood up, feeling the tears start to stream down my face. I held a hand to my mouth, choking back a sob.

"I should've stayed at amity." I turned to face the sink, wiping at my face.

"Victoria, you don't know what could've happened if- if your brother hadn't... Well-"

"If he hadn't died, Four? Huh? THEY DIDN'T EVEN LET ME SEE HIM!" I exploded, turning around to face him. I felt all the frustrations of the past weeks come to the surface. I was blinded, both my tears and the violent rage that rolled out in waves over my body; my hands shook.

Four looked down at the table, pity all over his face. "Victoria, I-"

"I'm never going to see him again, right? I was supposed to be with him, take care of him, and now..." I sank to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest. "And now Eric won't even _talk_ to me," I blubbered like a baby, feeling my anger dissipate. I fingered the bracelet Matthew had given me, feeling comfort in its fabric; I traced our initials with my fingernail, and couldn't help but think, _Jack would never meet Matthew or Eric._ Another sob slipped out of me.

Four walked around the table to where I was sat on the floor; he crouched down so that he was at eye level with me. He reached out and caressed my cheek, I leaned into his hand, then after a moment, took it into my own, pushing it away.

Four sighed. "Listen, right now, our biggest problem is finding out if Eric is angry at you enough that he'll sell you out."

I nodded slowly, wiping my nose with my sweater sleeve. "And how am I supposed to do that?"

"He is rather fond of you, you know. He hides it well, but I can just see it when you two are together. It's... cute," Four lightly teases, a small smile on his lips.

"He sure has a funny way of showing it," I mutter, getting to my feet. Four follows suit, keeping a close eye on me.

"Eric's got a funny way of going about things, and we all just have to deal with it," Four comments. "Now, are you sure you're okay? I can leave and come back, let you rest a bit."

I shake my head no, rolling up my sleeves and turning around to the sink to splash some water on my face. I rub my eyes vigorously, feeling a whole lot better than I had just 15 minutes earlier.

"I want to see him, I need to, and... And he's going to listen to me. I'll _make_ him listen. Goodness knows that boy only listens to himself."

Four snorts quietly. "You can say that again," he says.

I press my hands to my face, feeling the excess water run down to my elbows then drip down to the floor.

"And let's say that he does listen to me, what then? We need to have a plan in place, something to propose to him so that he sticks with us and helps us," I look at Four enthusiastically, starting to work up my nerve for when I saw Eric again.

"Err- _We_ need to have a plan?" Four questions, less enthusiastic than me.

"Err- Yeah, we. You said this was _our_ problem, right? So you need to help me," I gingerly slap his chest. Four twists his lips cutely and closes his eyes for a moment before saying, "I'm not getting out of this one, am I?"

"Nope," I respond, grabbing him by the arm and walking towards the door. "The sooner I speak to him and set everything straight, the better, right?"

Four groans. "I guess you're right."

I turn back to look at him with a teasing smile. "Don't worry, Four, you're going to be saying that a lot, so better to just get used to it now."

I close the door behind us and turn just in time to see Four roll his eyes at me.

"Also, don't roll your eyes at me. It's rude."

 


End file.
